I'm just gonna paste some in here, so's you can see a bunch at the same time. Eventually I'd like to have them be random on the front page of the site, but who knows when that'll happen, given my CGI expertise (and interest in learning).

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"I don't care how big that ship is, Mother Nature will pull down them Pampers and spank that behind if she gets a mind to."
—Marshall, recalling the awesome might of nature as experienced during harrowing storms at sea when he was on a Navy destroyer

"When he gets through with his Power Plays and Big Corporate Takeovers, see if he has time to give some lowlife down in Texas a call."
—R. Garner, a few years ago, leaving a message for P. McCaleb (who was on the phone at the time)

"Is it like giving a person the Plague, or did it work?"
—Ogaz, inquiring about the outcome of the Free Car contest

"I can just see your dad gettin' some fuckin' Lonesome Dove dictionary off the shelf, 'Ma, can you translate!?'"
—Draplin Re: Ryan's postcard home from "the run" where he employed heavy cowboy and trucker terminology like "Jumped out of..." for "left," etc.

"There are two kinds of people in this world, the marrying kind and the not-marrying kind. I see you as the not-marrying kind"
—Keiko Re: my chances of bachelordom

"I never liked pizza either, I could never eat it because Freddy Krueger ruined it for me—his face looked like Cheese pizza."
—Kathleen Lolley, on the appeal of eating pizza

"Scooters are cute. They are the solution to all our traffic problems, you dont have to work on them because you cant see the motor! Born to be mild! You can park them anywhere. Look at me, I'm ridiing in flip flops and no helmet while sipping a latte from Starbucks!"
—Chad Schaefer parodies scooter mania

"The guy says 'Do you know anything about Computers?' I said, 'Yeah, I know what they look like.'"
—My mom's husband Nick, a farmer, on his experience at a modern electronics store

"When you get ready to do it again maybe I'll sponsor you, carry a flag with The Lord's Army or sumpin'"
—Brother Harvey, a guy I met at a gas station in Creola, AL. He gave me a pamphlet titled "Satan Sucks"

philip james
chilled out, ramblin', unorthodox, mental
father of tatsu and yu
loves kickin & punchin, dips for ditka, leather-clad girls posing on choppers
is scared of unfit minds & bodies, shellfish, my fists
wants to see croatia, forgone conclusion live, and the neighborhood of bowmanville blown up
resident of the open road
chmiel

—persona poem by Liz Rench

OGAZ: "How many Mexican women have you made love to?"
RYAN: "Let's see, your Moms, your Sister, your Grandma..."
—A classic unearthed from 1996, my two roommates in my sophomore year of college

"Minnesota motherfuckers. Just gotta wonder how many Dan Clevelands are out there building and and rebuilding and white-outing guitars in some basement somewhere?

And shit, that scene where his wife leaves? The smooch and non-hug? Enough to make me jump out of the window to my death, just about. Not to mention her car, and the clunking quarterpanel as she pulled away.

Poor fuckin' guys. Just makes you want to go hug them or something. Especially his larger friend, the bass player. All that talk of bankruptcy and shit just about brought a tear to my eye. Hard times.

So many different little lives out there. Wow."
—Draplin's comments on Driver 23

"Having the ability, of blocking, and, usin' your Hands practical, is how I end up usin' my Hands. It's not all just for looks, it turns out sometimes lookin' pretty, doin' certain things, comin' over the top ... looks pretty ... but it's a practicality of what I was doin', to where, I'm comin' with this hand, and I'm comin' with this..."
—BB, tape 9, about 18 minutes in

"Dear Girl, do you have ANY idea what you hold in your hand!? Do you have any inkling, any SEMBLANCE whatsoever of its capabilities...?"
—Mark Borchardt brainstorming aloud while writing a script for a scary radio drama in American Movie

"Yes, please sir. Which country you from. You like to take a look, just look. Madam? Very nice quality, good price. Just have a look, you only buy if you like."
—Just about everyone who talked to us in India

"There is the stink of Hell on this train, even the dog knows it."
- The preacher in Horror Express, Re: a dog's averse reaction to the crate containing the recently-exhumed (and Satanic) corpse of a "missing link" creature traveling by train from rural China to a European laboratory

"He needs to re-charge the Lamps."
- Vanessa's comment about Winnie, when discussing the things that are most important in Winnie's life, namely comfort, sleep and rest. The Lamps she's referring to are his gigantic, amazing orange eyes.

"A little Tahini, not a lot...not, you know, come-shot kinda stuff." (gesturing)
- Phil, when asked how much Tahini he wanted on his Falafel from the Middle East Bakery

"No, those are the kind of women you choose."
- Liz responding to Forrest's joke: What do women and condoms have in common? ... They both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

"I'm sending all my love and kisses to the Death Dealer. Maybe it will melt its cold, cold heart enough to be loved and work better for you. I know it misses my sweet ass sitting on it, but there are only so many things that can be helped. "
- Vanessa offering words of encouragement, that my scooter might be properly fixed

"You're a godforsaken creature, chemical beast — Born in the somber water of the sea, raised into the smog air — You're an ugly, dangerous son of the earth — Are you a rule of hell, are you a servant from demons – But, anyway you must assail human creations on this black star..."
- from Monster of the Earth, Metalucifer

"Angie's religious parents were in town. Thumbing through my book collection, they came across Boys Camp Stud Master. Even better, they brought her childhood copy of the Bible, and Angie, not knowing, just threw the bible right next to Boys Camp. Thanks to you, they have touched their first Rough Trade novel."
-Hudson, on literary gifts

"EX-BIKER needs beautiful female slave under 30 for serious live-in relationship. Must be willing to serve your master and relocate soon. Serious replies, nude photo a must, S.M., P.O. Box *, San Bernando."
-Real ad from Classifieds section, Biker Lifestyle magazine, October 1983

"Get up at five o'clock in the morning. Take bath in the cold water. Wear clean clothes. Read your lessons. Eat less. Do respect to the elders. Don't abuse anybody. Love all. Don't speak loudly. Don't keep awake in the night."
-Some Good Habits, from Learn Hindi in 30 Days

"SO I searched Google for the words vegan tofu scramble Hong Kong ... and PJChmiel.com was the first site that came up."
-An e-mail from one PETA employee (working in HK and searching for vegan tofu scramble) to another. I love Google.

"Leather everywhere I look, Tits and ass out of a picture book. Kegs of beer, food everywhere, Bros passed out without a care... They won't leave the ol' lady behind, 'Cause in the cold a warm ass is nice to find. Handing down the bottle of Schnapps, Keepin' an eye out for the cops..."
-Excerpt from poem A Biker Run, by Marsha Brandenburg, 1983 Easyriders mag.

"I tell ya, a bus ride in Krakow or Warsaw over 90 [degrees], you'll smell a lot o' bad pits."
-Phil, on the sparing use of deodorant by Polish urbanites

"Yea, July, hopefully not Julie, she's as sharp as scissors. I wouldn't trust her to cut my fuckin bagel in the morning. July, starring in the new deep penetration series called 'Edward Scissor Puss'. The slogan is, 'How about a tease on the puss'. "
–Grand Master JH, Re: THIS PHOTO

"My brother was doing a web search and came across a quote on pj's page about me throwing a guy on the hood of a car and growling. My brother e-mailed it to dad, so mom and dad did get to hear about the Chicago mayhem."
–Maniotes, from "State of Andy" address

"Hello, Bub, what's the matter? You look as if you'd been up against it!"
–Saloon-keeper to down-and-out slaughterhouse worker Jurgis in Upton Sinclair's The Jungle

"When I go to the doctor's office, every place that's half the size of my kitchen, there's 3 girls sitting there, and there's computers."
–Aunt Lottie, on the ubiquity of computers and the need for computer skills in the modern workplace

"You like this music!? It sounds like fuckin' Excedrin Headache number four-twenty-two."
–Phil, Re: "experimental" college radio

"Are you from Louisville Kentucky, PJ?
(No.) Because you sound like you got a little bit o' horse-trader in you."
–Wynona, a phone solicitor who tried her damnedest to sell me "Genuine Scooter Company" inkpens for well over 5 minutes

"Get this shit off my desk! I feel like I'm on a fuckin' camp-out with a bunch of vegans...makin' plans to throw blood."
–PM (naysayer), Re: the Smoked Soy Jerky from the asian market (that he loved and couldn't stop eating)

"I think it really shook him up when I growled in his face. That's one of the most effective things you can do when you've got a guy against the hood of a car...look him in the eyes and growl."
—Maniotes on winning by intimidation

"The Road Hawk...A Good Place to Die."
—Draplin's suggested motto for the sketchy, nasty Roadhawk truckstop near my home in Michigan (exit 56) after his visit there.

"They put ______ next to ______, and it was like Caesar Salad next to PUKE or somethin.'"
—a weird overheard snippet comparing two related things (I'll let your imagination fill in the blanks)

"What father wouldn't think his daughter was beautiful, even if she's ugly as sin?"
"Ugly as a mud fence."
-Aunt Lottie on beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

"Who wants to be a millionaire? There's four of us right here in this room."
-Aunt Lottie to us and TV, Re: TV advertisement for Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

Nowadays people are so goddamn foxy they don't care WHO they shaft.
-Aunt Lottie on finding a roommate

"Built like a brick shithouse." (quality)
"A face like 10 miles o' bad road." (ugly)
"It's Tits." (something very good)
—the colorful expressions of a male co-worker

"Can you take some tofu to that mountain family who makes your moonshine and have them ferment it? I heard the last time Zeke was happy with the Draplin "factory floor purty mouth" payment plan...
-Maniotes to Draplin, Re: Oregon life

"Why do you have all of this stuff up on your website? I mean, who's gonna look at it?"
-My boss Phil, on the worth of various "pjchmiel.com web features"

"I'm alone." I said,
He wrote it down in the register,
How cold the night.
-translation of a haiku by Issa, from the anthology of Fall/Winter-themed haiku I purchased today

"Duuude, don't front on God."
- Maniotes to Simonson, Re: Simonson's interjection that "That ain't all God used a mule for."
(Context and conversation thread long-since forgotten, don't ask me).

" If you can't hunt with the big dogs, get up there on the porch, with the pups. If you can't hunt with the big dogs, you get back up there on the porch. With the puppies."
- advice on carrying one's own weight, by Benny Perkins, former Champ and talkative sage from Hands on a Hard Body

"Next news is about Papa. He got permanent! I can laugh 1hour. His hair is like the hair on the chest. Break up!! He wanted to hide that his thinly hair of back. But he can't. I'm sorry. Many friends went to him to look his hair style. We can laugh."
-Yoko, on Yasu's hairstyle (archives)

"Can you imagine...spending your life in such a place? (pause, sigh of disbelief) I'm sure I would kill myself after a few days."
-Jean, as we were passing through Whaleyville, Virginia (a "wide-place-in-the-road" town of a few hundred people)

"After you've done your design, painting, sculpture, bookshelf, photograph, whatever; consider a few questions.
1. What good is it?
2. How well does it speak?
3. Can it be better?
4. Have you considered what the materials you are using are saying?"
-Santiago Cucullu via mass-email (archives)

"They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I totally agree with that. If you also totally agree with that we already have something serious in common worth inquiring into don't you think? Please write."
- Incarcerated Person

"It's my own stupid fault...I'd forgotten your Iron Palm. Should've known better."
- quote from damned man Killer Meteors, on owning up to one's mistakes

"Well, whenever I get letters, I always wanna read 'em."
-Kristen B., in response to why her Design 2 layout looked like a letter

PJ- "What are you gonna buy with your Camel Cash?"
Emily L.- "I don't know, a new set of lungs?"

"Some of us move through life on a nice straight path, but I had a little shooting and drinking, rat-catching."
-Jim Z. on the formative years

"Good in school, smile a lot, know when to say yes and no, don't let Dad know about your feelings..."
-Jim Z. on favorable traits for young women

"There's a lot of promises in Stephen J. Gould, but we don't turn our guns on 'im."
-Jim Z. on respect

"It looks like shit! It doesn't say 'IRON MAIDEN!' It's a failure! F!"
-Ryan to Miki, asessing her Type 1 homework

"Good-hearted people helping people out at gambling joints are always the target in these movies."
-Ryan on distinguishing features of the kung fu genre

"Father and mother...they sleep together...they fuck each other...they give me brother and sister."
-Sunshine, RE: the facts of life

"I am always a student, I graduate when I die."
-Sunshine

"I believe that someday, my sperm...somebody may eat it."
-Sunshine on burial/reincarnation

"1-2-3-4-5-6-7...when I was 7, I was beautiful."
-Sunshine, on childhood

"I have never be willing to be born, and I don't want to die, but I'm livin' between birth and death, and I live."
-Sunshine's friend Abrahim, on making the most of life

"If somebody beat you up, say 'Thank You,' but say 'Don't do it again, because I kill you."
-Sunshine, on when to turn the other cheek

"I wouldn't mind it, in my kitchen or whatever...but I don't DEMAND it."
-Kevin B. on the value of owning an original Georgia O' Keefe

"Some of these are useless...I make the judgement. What you do is, you get ruthless at some point."
-Kevin B. on the words our class had written on the board and his subsequent selective erasing of them

"Like, all these guys are janitors...they don't know anything about Gung Fu, he just puts the hat on 'em and beats the shit out of 'em."
-Ogaz, RE: challenge scene in Dragon Master

"This is what I like to see. I like to be eatin', see a woman cleanin', see my friend shirtless, and another friend wearing a wife-beater."
-Ogaz, on pleasant mealtime scenery

"The God of Beautiful Women is among us tonight, with his big huge belly full of oceans and pomengranites."
-Ogaz, on the prospects of us meeting girls that night at Davanni's pizza in Uptown

"Ryan, in Saginaw...diggin' in the copper mines. Wife and 3 kids, 'Little Ry," Samantha, and Peg, who has the bad eye. They take her to see Christ once a week, sprinkle the holy water on it... Sends pictures at Christmas, they all got the dirty hands."
-Ogaz' prophecy of Ryan's future family life

"The woman works at the 7-11, and the husband shot her, 'cause she made him pay for the Slurpee."
-Ogaz' analysis of a photo of a hessian couple that I found near the dumpster

"I'm calling you my little brother... I know you're a grown man, but you're nothing compared to me."
-Ogaz' brotherly love towards Ryan

"Give Travis the gun, he'll bring you many pelts. He knows the way."
-Ogaz estimating Travis' worth to society

"There are only 2 things in my life: liquor and photo. Liquor, she's my baby...Photography, she's my mistress."
-Ogaz

"Aaron, your mom's logo is a dog wiping his ass on the ground."
-Arya S. delivering a devestating graphic-design cutdown to a friend

Jason - "What makes [our] the portfolio books different, or better?"
Chuck - "It's small, takes up less space in the garbage can."
RE: submitting work to I.D. annual review

"The guy says 'I'll give you $500 for it,' I say 'You give me $10,000.'"
-Bobby, offering to wheel-and-deal to help me sell my car

"It's like 'This is who I am...' naked and stuff...pretty much the intimacy of her...psyche."
-Steve B. in a Photo critique, fumbling his way through an analysis of a girl's nude self-portrait

"It's got some really nice detail...that often doesn't come from photography."
-Steve B., on the "detail" of photography vs. painting

"Kind of Taihen, yes." "Ahh, Honma goddamn." "Made in Watashi."
-hybrid sentences of English and Japanese words, as spoken by Japanese friends

"Every mullet is special. You have to respect every kind of mullet."
-Jean-Regis Gaultier, part of a discussion on curly vs. straight mullets

All right, Guv'ner, I told him, 'you run the show, and I'll take the tickets!'"
-Master Freddie, from Upton Sinclair's The Jungle, on doling-out responsibililty

"Nice guy... Nice smile... Good country boy.... He's out here in BOOTS! You can't do this thing in BOOTS!"
Judge from Hands on a Hard Body, on having the proper footwear for the contest

"This is not our practice life, there's no time to waste."
—An observant friend

"There is no emotion in his eyes... There is nothing. Except hate."
Jean-Regis on Tatsu's disposition (having no pity or respect for us)

"I trained him. Taught him to kill. We've been through Hell together... Vietnam."
The 'Colonel Trautman' character from No Blood, No Surrender (a Puerto Rico Productions knock-off of First Blood, set in Central America)

"What did you say to the barber when you went to get that cut? 'Just give me the ugliest fuckin haircut you can think of, you no-good tramp.'?"
-John Hudson, re: my mullet hairstyle

"Dirty" quotes (mostly banter between Ryan and Ogaz from our year of living together) to be linked soon... (not suitable for the younger audiences).